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Well, I've been bad about posting again... Blame it on stress and depression. It's not that I haven't been productive at all in the last month, but I've withdrawn into a sad little ball of gloom quite a lot. This means I haven't made much progress with my life. I've barely talked with anyone, and I worry that I've let my friends down by withdrawing. Even though my life has improved by leaps and bounds over the last few years, it still needs a lot of work to get it where I want it to be.
I've been wondering if I may be afraid of intimacy. Not just physical intimacy or even primarily physical intimacy, but intimacy as a whole. Don't get me wrong--I crave closeness of every kind--but it scares me. I've had very few close relationships in my life, and I'm not used to the idea of being loved or liked for myself. I'm used to being alone and longing for someone. However, the possibility of having loving people in my life (besides my family) seems to be becoming more attainable. Now, I'm at the point that I am scared of messing up my relationships because of lack of experience.
On a happier note, I have been re-watching the eighth season of Doctor Who with audio description this time. :D I was able to enjoy the season well enough without it, but the descriptions make it much easier to get all the little jokes and bits of action. I've re-watched only the first two episodes, but I have the rest waiting for me. I'm enjoying it a lot more than I did the first time around. I'm so glad that I have discoveed the joys of audio description because it makes my TV watching life much easier.
***
Okay, so... I wandered away from this entry for a couple of days. XD Things are indeed looking up. I've now watched up to episode five of season eight of Doctor Who. Currently, I'm in the middle of episode six. I'd like to get back to that soon, but I've been all over the place in the last few days. Turns out my concerns about letting my friend down were not true. She's just as lost as I am or maybe more. The fear of intimacy still stands, though.
In addition to the re-watch of season eight of new Who, I just started watching the classic series as well. 8D That's a whole new world of fun to look forward to. I stayed up late last night researching the classic series and looking for clips. This morning, I watched all four episodes of "The Aztecs" story and enjoyed myself very much. Of course, it did not have any audio description on Netflix, but I can look into that more later. I enjoyed it, nonetheless. It's fun to be diving in to something so iconic and classic.
I've been wondering if I may be afraid of intimacy. Not just physical intimacy or even primarily physical intimacy, but intimacy as a whole. Don't get me wrong--I crave closeness of every kind--but it scares me. I've had very few close relationships in my life, and I'm not used to the idea of being loved or liked for myself. I'm used to being alone and longing for someone. However, the possibility of having loving people in my life (besides my family) seems to be becoming more attainable. Now, I'm at the point that I am scared of messing up my relationships because of lack of experience.
On a happier note, I have been re-watching the eighth season of Doctor Who with audio description this time. :D I was able to enjoy the season well enough without it, but the descriptions make it much easier to get all the little jokes and bits of action. I've re-watched only the first two episodes, but I have the rest waiting for me. I'm enjoying it a lot more than I did the first time around. I'm so glad that I have discoveed the joys of audio description because it makes my TV watching life much easier.
***
Okay, so... I wandered away from this entry for a couple of days. XD Things are indeed looking up. I've now watched up to episode five of season eight of Doctor Who. Currently, I'm in the middle of episode six. I'd like to get back to that soon, but I've been all over the place in the last few days. Turns out my concerns about letting my friend down were not true. She's just as lost as I am or maybe more. The fear of intimacy still stands, though.
In addition to the re-watch of season eight of new Who, I just started watching the classic series as well. 8D That's a whole new world of fun to look forward to. I stayed up late last night researching the classic series and looking for clips. This morning, I watched all four episodes of "The Aztecs" story and enjoyed myself very much. Of course, it did not have any audio description on Netflix, but I can look into that more later. I enjoyed it, nonetheless. It's fun to be diving in to something so iconic and classic.
