Jun. 25th, 2017 07:17 pm
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Ugh, summer is upon us, and it is woefully hot. Since I lack air conditioning at home, I almost wish that I was taking summer classes in order to escape the heat. I needed a break, though. Last semester wasn't necessarily difficult, but it was draining. This was most likely caused by my lack of personal writing over the last few months, which left me without a true creative outlet. Academic writing can be fun, but it's not necessarily the best form of expression even if I do manage to express myself through my interests and choice of topics at times.

So, I have stalled out o my writing and decided to withdraw from [community profile] getyourwordsout because I was so far behind. I could have continued plodding along, but the whole thing was stressing me out. Basically, I was behind from the start. I'm not great at dealing with failure and overcoming my shortcomings, so I just pushed it to the back of my mind. I will probably try again next year.

I finally saw Wonder Woman last week with my family, and I heartily enjoyed it. I did not grow up with Wonder Woman or comics, but I enjoy superhero movies in general. I went to support the female director and the idea of a female-led superhero flick without any personal investment in the character. In spite of that, this was the least bored I've been at the movies in a long while. This makes sense because it has a lot of the narrative tropes that I enjoy. Very mild spoilers ) Basically, I want to be her. If I read comic books, I'd probably be doing that right now.

I also rewatched the Fantastic Beasts movie, and I felt like I liked it a lot more this time. I always enjoyed the world-building and characters, but the story felt lacking. While I still think it could have been better, I felt way more invested in the story this time around. I also still think Newt is a refreshing lead, and I am always happy to see more Hufflepuff characters in the limelight.

I wasn't interested in the fandom back when I first watched it, but I am curious now. I havent gone looking for fics, but I would love some recs. I don't know who is still paying attention to this half-dead journal, but fic recs for Fantastic Beasts would be much appreciated if you have any.
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How may I fail? Let me count the ways...

Well, because of my persistent lack of time management skills, some setbacks have come on the heels of my other successes. I had to default on all of the exchanges that I signed up for. I think this is a matter of biting off more than I could chew and not taking into account that my assignments would be due not long after finals' week. Plus, I'm still not a very disciplined writer. I had quite a bit of anxiety to deal with regarding both school and fandom as well. I feel like I'm getting past that now, and I'm hoping that I will be able to be more productive this summer.

In the future, I think I will focus on writing treats for exchanges. That way, I can simply focus on the writing aspect without any consequences. I really have loved the gifts that I have received from the few exchanges that I've done, but my purest joy comes from writing itself. I don't need something in return to be happy.

In other annoyances, something is very wrong with the Internet here. The speed is really slow for some reason. I'm convinced that it's down to dial-up speeds, but I don't remember what that was like except that it was horrible. I remember that it took ~30 minutes to download a 4 MB song, and anything larger was out of the question.

In spite of everything, I was able to finish some writing, so I'll post that shortly.
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My motivation has taken a nosedive and my sleep schedule has been all messed up ever since I finished finals' week. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy to be out from under the demands of the semester, but it feels like a great driving force has been removed from my life. There's a million things that I either could do or should do, but I don't have any structure to it. I did graduate last week, so at least that's one thing I've done. I have that on Intern Maureen, and I didn't even have to lead any army or anything!

Speaking of which, I am very happy with the way that Night Vale is going. I think there might have been a dip in quality around the time the book was coming out, but events are working their way into something exciting. The format of the last episode where it's just Cecil calling a bunch of people really appeals to me to shake things up a bit. I am worried for Cecil and Carlos, though. I also desperately want to know what's going on with Chad and the evil puppy he's summoned. I am extremely proud of myself for being suspicious of the overly cute puppy in the first place. Likewise, I'm really enjoying where the new podcast, Alice Isn't Dead, is going.

Just writing these two paragraphs helped boost my mood. I'm still kind of bummed about not being able to finish my assignment for [community profile] space_swap. I'm trying not to feel too horrible about it because I have two other assignments that I need to finish. The idea I was working on just got away from me, and I wasn't sure I could do it justice in the remaining time. I have almost a thousand words written now, so I intend to turn it into something eventually.


Jan. 28th, 2016 10:42 pm
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I was going to finish up the [community profile] snowflake_challenge in this post, but it will have to wait because I feel like crap! The morning was mostly fine, but I woke up today not wanting to get out of bed even though I probably had the proper amount of sleep. I realized during class that I had fallen behind in the reading. Fortunately, I will be able to catch up, and there were no consequences this time. After I came home, I crawled into bed and proceeded to sleep for over an hour. I reluctantly got out of bed around two o'clock in the afternoon to eat lunch even though I felt like I could sleep more and did not feel like going to class at all. When I did go to class, I was horrified to learn that we had homework due that I didn't know about, so I spent most of the class period worrying about that instead of remaining fully present for the lesson. The professor won't let me make it up, which is fair enough, but I felt stupid for screwing that up. I felt like I should be too experienced by now to make that kind of mistake. Honestly, I feel really out of step this week and a lot like I'm just going through the motions.

As soon as I got home tonight, I took the the Philosophical Crap Test again because taking dumb quizzes like that is oddly soothing to me. I thought that it would make more sense to me this time since I'm taking a second philosophy class right now. It does a little bit. It may be a bit old-fashioned to post results to these kinds of quizzes, but I'm linking to my results for posterity's sake.

I wish this week was over already, but I have to get up in the morning to go to a presentation about studying abroad. I already RSVPed, so I don't think it would be right to bail. I just hope that tomorrow will be a little better than today at least.


Jan. 22nd, 2016 11:51 am
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I made it through another week of this semester, so it's time that I focus on the rest of my life for a while. Perhaps I can let myself do a bit of cathartic writing before I get to anything else. Even though this week was short on account of MLK day, it felt long and hectic. Sunday was my birthday, but I just rolled with it this time. I decided that there will be plenty of time in the rest of the year to turn to reflection about the state of my life. I allowed myself to feel happy about the event, but I did not celebrate much on that day. Instead, I took care of some homework and watched Galavant. Richard continues to be my favorite character in that series. I did get some sweet birthday wishes, though. It's good to be reminded that I am loved.

Of course, Monday was a holiday, so I took the time to actually celebrate my birthday a bit. We tried a new Mexican restaurant that I didn't end up liking very much. The rest of my time was spent trying to figure out synthetic a priori and reading. It's unfortunate that my creative writing class had to be on Monday because that is not the class I wanted to miss.

Tuesday I went to see If/Then with Idina Menzel. As a result, I found out what happens when you're late to a musical. We had to wait outside for ten minutes before they would let us in, but there was a screen outside to allow us to know what was going on. However, the sound on the screen was a bit delayed, and we could hear the actual sound coming from the theater at the same time. This created an echo that made it hard to understand what was going on. Eventually, someone turned down the sound on the screen to fix the problem, and we were let in before too long. It was a good show although I did find it a bit confusing like some of the reviewers had said. It was my chance to hear Idina sing live again, so it was worth it. I didn't realize that Anthony Rapp was in it too, and I was reminded how much I like his voice. Some songs were more memorable than others and the lyrics seemed clever at times, but I would like to listen to the cast recording to make a final judgment. Overall, the story was relatable because I am still young, and I have a lot of life-changing decisions ahead of me as well. I could relate to Elizabeth's struggle to find out what was the right decision.

Speaking of decisions, I am thinking of studying abroad in Spain or some other Spanish-speaking country. Spanish is not my major, but it would be a gift to become fluent in it after I've been forced to take three semesters of it and have at least one more semester to look forward to. I'm not even sure that I'd qualify for the scholarship, but I'm going to go to a presentation about it next Friday. It seems like something that is seriously worth considering even though I have a bunch of other things that I need to do in my life. Maybe something good could come of it. It could be just the thing to give me a fresh start.

I don't really have much to say about the last two days. It was just... stressful on account of personal things, but I can put that behind me now. I also had a dream about the Tenth Doctor and Martha, so I think that's incentive to start watching the older episodes of Doctor Who again.

This week

Jan. 15th, 2016 03:28 pm
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All right, my first week of the semester is over! It seems that my last semester at this college will be somewhat low-key although I really must put a lot of effort into my intermediate Spanish class if I want to improve. I have mixed feelings about the semester already. Since this is my last semester, I am already starting to miss the college that has become my home over the last five years. It was the college that I never wanted to attend at first and that I often wished I could have been done with faster as I took my time to ease myself into the demands of college life, but I hate to say goodbye now. I will miss everyone and everything that has become familiar to me, especially favorite guy. I hope that I will be able to see him a lot before the semester is over and that I will get the chance to see him even after that because the idea of possibly never seeing him again brings tears to my eyes.

I didn't really feel like doing anything this morning, so all I did was do some Spanish lessons and goof off on the Internet. There were plenty of things I should have been doing, though. I still want to continue with [community profile] snowflake_challenge, but I will probably get to that later today.

It sucks that Alan Rickman had to die this week. :( Unlike with David Bowie's passing, I was familiar with Rickman's work. I am an unabashed Snape fangirl, and Alan Rickman is at least 50% of why I started loving the character in the first place. He will always be remembered for the way he bewitched our minds and ensnared our senses. From that first Potions' class onward, I became a Snape fan instantly.

They're doing a HP reread over at I may look into participating even though I am already planning to do a reread of The Tale of the Body Thief at [community profile] vc_media. Like the first reread post says, I'm sure Rickman's death will affect the way I read that book now that he and Snape are gone. If I do participate, it will be my first reading of the book since I read it when it first came out. My, how time flies.
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Fandom Snowflake Challenge banner

Day 11

In your own space, make a list of at least 3 things that you like about yourself. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your
post if you feel comfortable doing so.

Be kind to yourself today. Say some nice things about yourself, without any caveats.

This kind of thing is slowly becoming easier for me as I learn to recognize and appreciate my strengths.

1. My resilience: There have been so many times when I wanted to give up or could have given up. In fact, there were times when I did give up for a while, but I never let it stay that way even if it wasn't easy. I continue to pursue my dreams even though the path has been twisted and forked to the point that it has led me through territory I never thought I'd cover. At times, I have struggled with depression and anxiety that felt soul-crushing, but I never let either of those things destroy me. Now, I realize that some of my best experiences come from times that felt both good and bad in the moment. If I hadn't stuck it out through the difficult times, I would have never experienced the high points. It's this quality that allowed me to sit through my two-hour Intermediate Spanish class tonight even though I felt like running away or hiding under the desk.

2. My intelligence: I am a self-proclaimed Ravenclaw, so of course this is important to me. ;) It's not just the knowledge that I've obtained but the curiosity that has led me there. I'm proud of my grades and what I have accomplished because of them.

3. My writing: I can now call myself an award-winning writer, but I'm just happy that I'm still writing. after all of these years. I'm proud of where my writing has taken me for the last three years. I realize that each attempt is one step toward becoming better and remembering that I have words worth sharing.

I just realized that I typed "words worth" and immediately thought of Wordsworth. It must be my subconscious trying to get me to think more about poetry.

Day 12

What makes you fannish? And by that we mean, what is it about a tv show/movie/book/band/podcast/etc that takes you from, "Yeah, I like that," to "I need
MOAR!!!" Is it a character? A plotline? The pretty? Subtext that’s just screaming to be acknowledged?

In your own space, tell us what it is that gets you to cross that line into fandom. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your
post if you feel comfortable doing so.

There usually has to be at least one character or characters that appeal to me. I feel like I need to have someone to root for. I'm trying to think of examples where the plot has been more appealing to me than the characters, but in those cases, it seems like I would be less fannish. I love a good plot and a world that I can play around in as much as the next fan, but I feel that the characters can make up for a lack of those things. I'm not so sure that a good plot or world-building can make up for not liking the characters. As soon as I start enjoying a new fandom, I'm trying to pick out who will be my favorite character. It's typically that love of characters that drives me to seek out fanworks.
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Fandom Snowflake Challenge banner

Day 09

In your own space, set some goals for the coming year. They can be fannish or not, public or private. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include
a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.

I've been meaning to write up a New Year's resolution post, so I'm glad that this was today's challenge.

Goals for 2016 )

I could put more, but it's good to start small, isn't it? I will have my hands full with these goals already, and any additional goals could probably fit under the above categories. At least I know that many of these goals are common, so I won't be alone in trying to live a better life in 2016.
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My mind is teeming with thoughts tonight, so I should probably write them down. Anyway, I need to write more. As far as school goes, my personal statement is essentially done, but I need to rework a few things before tomorrow if I can harness my powers of concentration for long enough to do so. I've fallen behind on most of my shows, and I haven't been having as much fun as I think I should. However, I did just have a dream about a Fifty Shades kind of relationship, which is strange because I have never been in love with Christian Grey.

Lately, I have become addicted to the browser game Fallen London. This is not a new game at all, but it is new to me. Since I am just dipping my toes into the waters of accessible games, I was happy to find this game at random without even looking. I found out about it through an advertisement on the Welcome to Night Vale subreddit; how perfect is that? That's some excellent marketing, Reddit. Anyway, I'm AnElusiveDreamer there. It's a very fitting game to be advertised beside Night Vale.

Other things, other things... I read the Night Vale novel not too long ago. I started reading Life and Death: Twilight Reimagined, but I got bored with it eventually. I don't think that it adds much to the universe, but I will finish it eventually... I'm dragging my feet on this because the biggest changes are not until the end and it's not always thrilling to wade through a bunch of minor changes. I will say this, though: the rewrite of the Port Angeles chapter sucks. Moreover, Edythe seems barely distinguishable from Edward. Beau is better, but it doesn't make it any easier to get past his name. Overall, the names of the gender-swapped Cullens are terrible. I have heard of people named Emmett and Rosalie before, but Royal? I guess I have to take that statement back now because I just realized that not all of the Cullens have terrible names. Eleanor is decent.

Is that all? Yes, for now. Now, I'm off to find pleasant dreams and even more pleasant realities.
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Crap, it's Halloween tomorrow. I haven't even enjoyed October properly yet. :( Not to mention that I've let my journal updating slide.... I'm not even totally sure what I want to do with this journal anymore. When I created it, I hoped it would be my introduction back into fandom and Internet culture. I hoped that Dreamwidth would be a recreation of LJ in its heyday, but neither site is as vibrant as I would like. Of course, it doesn't help when I check out for these long absences, but I can't shake the feeling that I should move on to another platform.

This semester is definitely not my favorite, but I'm trying to stay open-minded until the end. Philosophy is a killer. I oscillate between liking and disliking Spanish in equal measure. The first half of world literature hasn't captured my heart like I expected it would. Despite the fact that I love mythology, I'm not so enchanted with ancient literature. I think the Iliad will grow on me. I also liked Oedipus Rex, but it made me very uncomfortable at the same time. I want to read the Aeneid in full someday, though. Other than that, my classes have passed in a blur.

A lot else has happened, but I'd rather get into that later.
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This is essentially a test post. I logged into my old, dusty LJ account for the first time in.... who knows how long. As a result, I'm trying Dreamwidth's crossposting feature. I'm looking into journalling again, and I thought my LJ should get in on the fun, too.

I should really be studying because I have a psychobiology test next Monday, but it's too hot! In the meantime, I want to lounge around and watch Doctor Who.
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It has been dangerously close to a year since I updated this journal. As such, there are a few things that I should mention right away...

I dropped that Shakespeare class last fall. D: It just wasn't my cup of tea. I love Shakespeare, but the class didn't do it for me. Like I said, I wasn't too thrilled with the focus on comedies at the beginning. Plus, the workload prved too much for me because I was dealing with some major depression that semester.

Other than that, every other class went fine. There were bumps along the way, but they didn't hold me back in the end. The instructor for the critical thinking class has become one of my favorites. In fact, I am taking another of her classes this fall. I think she's wonderful, and as far as I can tell, the feeling is entirely mutual. :3

Since I had something akin to a depression-fueled breakdown that semester, I decided to take only two classes the following spring. I took the second half of English literature with the critical thinking instructor (Dr. P) and mythology to make up for that dropped Shakespeare class. Both were great, and I did some of my best writing in that semester. I don't think that I took as much advantage of the mythology class as I could have, though. However, I *did* win two writing contests.

In other 2013 news, I fell for my freshman composition professor. <333 I may have mentioned that before, but my feelings exploded in the fall. I always thought that he was attractive and charming, but I found out for sure that he was single in the fall. ;3 Not sure what I'm going to do about this. There's the tricky student/teacher relationship to consider. Plus, he's nineteen years older than I am. Since I'm weird, both of those things are turn-ons in their own special ways. I don't know his feelings for me... this whole situation has made me feel like a giddy school girl. I want to make a move, but I'm scared~ He's so awesome! He likes Doctor Who and sci-fi, made us write about slasher and zombie films, assigned The Time Machine as reading, enjoys mythology, and used to teach The Hobbit in his class. This sounds like my ideal guy.

I was going to dive into what I've been up to this summer, but I think I'll leave it here for now. As always, it was good writing!
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It has been five or six weeks (I really should check for sure; I have lost track of time completely) into my first semester as an English major. *sighs* So far, there has been quite a bit of gnashing of teeth on my part. There are definitely times when I don't feel like I can do this for real in the real world. My main problems are confidence and planning. If I can overcome those two hurdles, I don't think that any other obstacles will stand in my way. Luckily, I have had very encouraging and understanding professors. I think that I'm beginning to master my insecurities, but... we'll see. I feel like "we'll see" is the mantra of this journal! ^^;

I should probably be doing homework now. D: I have to write about ten different fallacies and do some reading of two articles for one of my English classes. For the Shakespeare class, I have to finish Much Ado About Nothing (acts 4 and 5) and answer homework questions. That's not too hard, but I feel like I should really reread the whole darn play because I read the rest of it when I was tired and unfocused. I also want to prepare for the essay that's due next week for peer review! *pulls out hair*

It's stuff like this that makes me second-guess my choice of an English major...

Psychology's not so bad. Typical stuff. Red and do the study guide: that's it. Also, my second book review draft is due soon... I need to reread for that because I was tired/didn't finish the last reading. Do you see a pattern here?

Music... is by far the easiest class. It helps that I already know quite a bit about the western tradition of classical music. The main thing is to keep up on the reading. I also have a concert report... but I can't do that until I go to the concert! XD;; It's due on October 18th.

I... would love to waste more time writing here, but I'm feeling tired and sense that my best strategy is to do my work. *sighs* As long as they don't have to write "death by college" on my tombstone... I have many more interesting stories and happenings to share that have transpired in the past few weeks of school before that happens, but my mind is weary and drawing a blank! It will have to wait.

Until then...


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