Night Island

I've been really tired today, and I haven't really done anything all day. I started out by organizing and messing around with my Spotify playlists. There are a lot of good albums that I never listen to, so I have started dumping the albums that I remember liking into playlists separated by decades. Depending on how many albums I can recall, these playlists could end up being massive. This is still better than my old organizational system, which is basically nonexistent. I will probably try to make some genre playlists, but that will have to wait. I'm not sure if I should put Broadway cast recordings in the individual decade playlists or put them into one giant, all-consuming Broadway playlist. I'm leaning toward the latter because of the amount of tracks on albums and the fact that revivals can feature music from decades earlier than when they were recorded.

Organizing music on Spotify is a big thing for me because I own very little music myself. When I was growing up, I bought almost no music aside from anime CDs. I listened to Japanese music almost exclusively until I was about 15, except for when I was listening to the radio in the car. By the time that I started listening to English music more often, I had already discovered the joys of music piracy and downloading. I built up and lost my mp3 collection several times over because I never backed anything up. Eventually, I stopped downloading mp3s and switched to streaming via... Last.fm in 2006, I think? Now that I think of it, I think I started listening to Yahoo's Launchcast personalized radio first... does anyone remember that? I always thought I would re-download my old collection from iTunes, but based on the volume of music that I had listened to over the years as well as my changing tastes, I never did. So, basically, I'm trying to get together all the new and old music that I've ever loved and can still enjoy in one place.

Anyway, I got really tired after that. I blame it on waking up several times during the night and having a dream about turning into an evil witch with my best friend from elementary school. I don't know where exactly that came from, but it felt pretty vivid at the time. I have taken to listening to audio books and podcasts while I'm trying to fall asleep, and I frequently fall asleep with them still playing. I was listening to the Welcome to Night Vale novel last night, so maybe that is to blame.

The only other thing that I can blame for being exhausted today is that I have been active more often than usual in the past two weeks. It all started with Portland. The week before last, I was in Portland for a few days. That involved a lot of walking and getting lost on public transportation. I walked 4+ miles each day, and I was able to eat at a cool British pub called The Raven and the Rose, so I was pretty happy.

On Thursday of last week, I went to Catalina for my grandma's birthday because they offer free boat trips to the island for people celebrating their birthdays as well as one guest. It felt like I spent most of my time riding around on the back of a golf cart and listening to music, but I did end up walking 3.3 miles. I also bought a unicorn necklace because I am clearly an eleven year old girl on the inside. XD; Altogether, it was a good day, and I spent the ride home out on deck to experience the wind and sea spray while staring at the sea and darkening sky. It has been so long since I've been out to sea like that, so I regret nothing.

On Friday, I stayed home for most of the day, but I went to Fullerton in the evening to get coffee at the Night Owl. Then, I found out that my aunt was making tacos, so we went over there for dinner.

On Saturday, I went back to Fullerton to try a pizza place called Fuoco. It was good but way more authentic than I am used to. Then, I went to the Tranquil Tea Lounge where I ordered a white tea and mochi ice cream. It was the first time I had mochi ice cream before, and I loved it. Overall, I walked 1.5 miles that day.

On Sunday, I went to Torrance with my family to visit an old neighbor of theirs. I used it as an excuse to stop by Mitsuwa for the first time. I did not realize that that place was so big! I wish I had more time to spend there, but I did get some snacks as well as a discounted tea set. I want to visit the one in Costa Mesa since it is about the same distance as the one in Torrance. Overall, I walked 1.3 miles that day.

So, it's probably not the walking that has made me tired because I've actually felt better on days that I've walked more. I'm guessing that it is the social interaction and maybe just being out. I think that this is the same thing that makes me feel so exhausted during the semester because I can be out for only a few hours and feel drained. That is why it is so hard to balance my classes with anything else. I don't interact with people a lot, but just being there can make me feel self-conscious and nervous... it is not fun. It is worst at the beginning of the semester, especially if I don't know the professor. Usually, it gets better after a month or so, but I still carry a lot of stress and tension with me which can be very draining.

Last but not least, I did not start my new writing goals because I have felt tired and distracted. I decided that I should get started on a day when I actually feel good, but maybe that's just an excuse. It's so hard to start things and find motivation.

I stalled out on the snowflake_challenge last week, but I have every intention of seeing it through again this year. I don't like doing multiple days under cuts in one big entry, so I will probably continue to do them in individual posts and won't try to catch up before it's over. I probably won't post more than two entries per day, so there's no need to worry about spamming, either.

In the absence of posting, I haven't exactly been idle. ( Theme park blather )

Then, I woke up the next morning and realized that the deadline for chocolateboxcomm was that Saturday. Since that was my one successful exchange last year, I didn't want to break with something that could soon become a tradition, so I panicked and threw together a sign-up at the last minute. I... probably requested too many different pairings and fandoms for my own good, but it's just so fun anticipating what random surprises I might receive. Of course, it was a pain to scramble to throw together a letter for all those pairings in such short notice, but I did it and sincerely hope it doesn't suck.

I got my assignment on Monday. I'm both excited and nervous about it because I want to produce something good. I was already planning on treating my recipient before I got the assignment, so I already have an idea and have written some of it out. The trouble is pulling it all together and making it into something that lives up to the expectations in my head. I think canon review will help because I feel uncertain about writing for this fandom and want to get the characters just right.

During all of this excitement, I've been trying to keep up with my reading and writing goals for the year. I still have some comments that I need to reply to as well. I also started binging the podcast Wolf 359 last week, so I should make a post on that soon or whenever I'm caught up.

I made it through another week of this semester, so it's time that I focus on the rest of my life for a while. Perhaps I can let myself do a bit of cathartic writing before I get to anything else. Even though this week was short on account of MLK day, it felt long and hectic. Sunday was my birthday, but I just rolled with it this time. I decided that there will be plenty of time in the rest of the year to turn to reflection about the state of my life. I allowed myself to feel happy about the event, but I did not celebrate much on that day. Instead, I took care of some homework and watched Galavant. Richard continues to be my favorite character in that series. I did get some sweet birthday wishes, though. It's good to be reminded that I am loved.

Of course, Monday was a holiday, so I took the time to actually celebrate my birthday a bit. We tried a new Mexican restaurant that I didn't end up liking very much. The rest of my time was spent trying to figure out synthetic a priori and reading. It's unfortunate that my creative writing class had to be on Monday because that is not the class I wanted to miss.

Tuesday I went to see If/Then with Idina Menzel. As a result, I found out what happens when you're late to a musical. We had to wait outside for ten minutes before they would let us in, but there was a screen outside to allow us to know what was going on. However, the sound on the screen was a bit delayed, and we could hear the actual sound coming from the theater at the same time. This created an echo that made it hard to understand what was going on. Eventually, someone turned down the sound on the screen to fix the problem, and we were let in before too long. It was a good show although I did find it a bit confusing like some of the reviewers had said. It was my chance to hear Idina sing live again, so it was worth it. I didn't realize that Anthony Rapp was in it too, and I was reminded how much I like his voice. Some songs were more memorable than others and the lyrics seemed clever at times, but I would like to listen to the cast recording to make a final judgment. Overall, the story was relatable because I am still young, and I have a lot of life-changing decisions ahead of me as well. I could relate to Elizabeth's struggle to find out what was the right decision.

Speaking of decisions, I am thinking of studying abroad in Spain or some other Spanish-speaking country. Spanish is not my major, but it would be a gift to become fluent in it after I've been forced to take three semesters of it and have at least one more semester to look forward to. I'm not even sure that I'd qualify for the scholarship, but I'm going to go to a presentation about it next Friday. It seems like something that is seriously worth considering even though I have a bunch of other things that I need to do in my life. Maybe something good could come of it. It could be just the thing to give me a fresh start.

I don't really have much to say about the last two days. It was just... stressful on account of personal things, but I can put that behind me now. I also had a dream about the Tenth Doctor and Martha, so I think that's incentive to start watching the older episodes of Doctor Who again.

Day 09

In your own space, set some goals for the coming year. They can be fannish or not, public or private. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include
a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.

I've been meaning to write up a New Year's resolution post, so I'm glad that this was today's challenge.

( Goals for 2016 )

I could put more, but it's good to start small, isn't it? I will have my hands full with these goals already, and any additional goals could probably fit under the above categories. At least I know that many of these goals are common, so I won't be alone in trying to live a better life in 2016.

Ugh, I just love waking up from a romantic and loving dream to an unromantic reality. :( It's kind of perfect that "Someone Like You" by Adele is playing while I type this. Even though it has been overplayed and is nowhere near new to me, I still love this song to bits. This song would be an excellent basis for a fic, but I'm sure someone has already done that. Maybe I could try writing something with Cecil/Earl Harlan. I do love unrequited love and pining, so this would fit them perfectly.

...And this is why I need to write fics more often!

Anyway, I believe I was engaged in my dream. This makes perfect sense because a slew of my childhood acquaintances and friends have gotten married lately. My family has been talking about the upcoming wedding of one of them in January, and I've been trying to not cry whenever it has been spoken about. Fortunately, my family is not one to bother me about getting married or having grandkids (spoiler: there will be no grandkids!), but that doesn't change how left behind I feel. It seems that it's always like this, and the winter holidays don't make anything better. I realize that a good portion of my reason for being alone is my own fault, but that doesn't change how disheartening it is, especially when the only solution is to put myself through painful situations to make my life better.

For this reason, I don't regret giving my gift to favorite guy. I hope it wasn't too silly or inappropriate, but even if it was, I feel like I have a good reason for giving it to him.

Anyway, I now return you to your regularly scheduled Christmas Eve.

It seems that I was completely right when I said before that my life was in a precarious place. During the last week, my life has changed in a monumental way. I can never go back to the same perspective that I had even as recently as last weekend! It is clear that the choices I have the power to make now are of the utmost importance, but I'm not ready to talk about them in anything other than vague statements for now.

I've been downloading some music from iTunes today! :D Well, I actually downloaded Natasha Bedingfield's new album yesterday (or possibly very early this morning, but it was before I when to bed anyway), but I downloaded Sarah Brightman's "La Luna" album today. I've finally decided to purchase music from iTunes wholeheartly now. I'm still pretty attached to CDs, but it *is* cheaper and easier to buy from iTunes. I end up ripping all my CDs anyway. Right now, it's simpler to organize music on my computer than to try to manage a physical collection. I have neither the money or space to gather the collection of CDs that I wish I had already.

Anyway, I bring this up because the music I have downloaded has proved to be comforting to me. Natasha Bedingfield's music is as much a "pocketful of sunshine" as it ever was, but I'm not sure that it can live up to her debut. On the other hand, I always knew that "La Luna" was my favorite of Sarah Brightman's work. One song in particular has caught my interest. I think it does a good job of summarizing my feelings at the moment and the feelings that I've had even before. I'll let the lyrics speak for themselves now.

( Winter in July )

Yes, I think that sums up my state of mind and point in life! I will correct any mistakes in the lyrics at another time. I don't know if anyone really reads or uses LJ much anymore, but I thought it was a good place to post. I will rtry to pay more attention to the activity that IS going on LJ. Facebook just isn't "it" for me. Besides, this journal seems to be the better place to post "the real stuff" for now even though I can be hopelessly and I can't tell if anyone is still around to care around the meanings behind my words. Still, I like to write here.